NiaJean is sitting on the bus
riding home from work and is typing her blog. Sage is spending a couple of nights with Sebastian so NiaJean decided to
take the bus to work to save on gas and do her part for the environment by
helping decrease the smog that goes into the air from her car. She also wanted to get a little exercise in
the process. She tries to tune out the
noises on the bus as she types.
Ok so I’m faced with a
dilemma. I was at work today and my Ex-boyfriend,
Jason just decides to pop up. This visit
of course took me by surprise because I thought I said good bye for good in our
last conversation and here he is showing up in my life once again and at my job
no less. The thing that I don’t
understand about this visit is the fact that I was overtaken with emotions when
I saw him. I guess its one thing to talk
to someone over the phone and a whole different dynamic when you’re faced with
their presence. As I watched him leave
my office and walk to his car and get in, I could see a woman in the
passenger’s seat. I stood in my office
window starring at the two of them as he leaned over and kissed her and they
embraced. This of course got the wheels
turning in my mind even more. Now why in
the world would he drive all the way to my side of town with another woman in
his car? What could he possibly be
telling her about us?
For some reason, watching him
kiss her made my heart stop and I don’t know why. I should be over him by now! I mean I am dating Brian. I lived in fear of losing Jason the entire
time we were together. I was so wrapped
up in our lives together that I didn’t even see the signs of my obsession. I put all my hopes and dreams into him and
our future as a couple. I think I was
trying so hard to make it work that I didn’t realize it wasn’t working. I was losing him and losing myself all at the
same time.
NiaJean stops typing for a moment
and looks around the bus at all the passengers seated around her. She sees a couple sitting across
the aisle from her and begins imagining their lives together as she equates her
thoughts with Jason. She imagines the
couple holding hands as they walk through the park with smiles on their faces
then sees them stop under a shady tree and embrace as they follow that embrace
with a passionate kiss. “Excuse me, is
someone sitting here?” She hears a low
toned voice ask. Her thoughts are interrupted
as she looks up and sees this handsome gentlemen standing over her
smiling.
She can’t quite make out his age
but he seems to be a bit more mature in age than her. “Uh, no.”
She says without being able let any more words come out of her mouth. She scoots closer to the window of the bus to
give him room to sit down. As the bus
continues on its route, they ride in silence.
She looks up and realizes her stop is next so she closes her laptop and
puts it in her bag. She then pulls the
bus signal to make sure it stops. She
scoots closer to the edge of her seat then looks over at the handsome man
sitting next to her and smiles. The bus
comes to a stop and she says, “Excuse me, this is my stop.” He immediately gets up from the seat and
steps back so she can pass. She looks
back at him and smiles once again before exiting the bus.
She enjoys her walk home as it is
a scenic route filled with trees and flowers. As she walks down the street she begins
imaging the man on the bus and what life would be like if they were a couple. She imagines him bringing her flowers and
kissing her on the check then massaging her neck as she relaxes on the
couch. She flashes back to reality as
she reaches her front door and almost trips on the bump in the entryway
sidewalk. She enters the house and goes
straight to the kitchen and grabs something to drink and a salad she made that
morning and takes it to her room. She
lays her computer bag and purse on her bed then puts her salad and drink on the
night stand. She changes into a pair of
lounge shorts and a tank top then sits on her bed to eat and finish writing her
blog. She opens her laptop and begins typing
where she left off.
I’m what you would call an
emotional creature. I’m probably a bit more
sensitive than most women I know but I think there’s a certain uniqueness that
goes along with my sensitivity. The
problem with being so sensitive is I have to balance my emotions. I was reading this article about emotional maturity. In this article, it said one
sign of emotional maturity is not having your feelings hurt so easily.
She pauses for a moment as she
reflects on what she just wrote. “Well
NiaJean I guess you’re not all the way there yet.” She continues typing.
We can’t let our emotions define
us. We must have some type of emotional
maturity. I used to constantly fight
with my emotions when it came to my relationship with Jason. I was so caught up in being what this man
wanted me to be that I lost myself. I
did things against my own principles just to keep him happy. Now that I see things a little clearer, I
realize I was with the wrong man. He
wasn’t interested in my wellbeing whatsoever and he surely wasn’t trying to care
for my heart and protect it. You know what,
now that I think about it this was the case with my ex-husband Sebastian as
well. I just hope I’m not creating the
same cycle with Brian.
NiaJean stops typing and asks
herself, “Can I really rewind what’s already happened with Brian or should I start over
with someone new?” She picks
up her salad off the night stand and begins eating it. “You know, you just have to keep holding out
Nia in order for him to take you seriously.”
NiaJean puts her salad down and
lies back on her pillow and tears begin streaming down her face as she thinks
about Jason then Brian. She gets up from
her bad and walks over to her mirror and stares at herself as she begins to
make a pledge.
“I pledge to do things
differently this time! I will do
everything in my power to build a friendship first.” She pauses and thinks about her pledge. “Wait, is it too late to build a friendship first
since we already…” She takes a deep
breath and begins creating a new pledge.
“Ok, I pledge to start over and hold out until we’ve developed a strong
friendship.”
Her phone rings as she finishes
her pledge. She says to herself as she
walks over to her night stand, “If he’s willing to hold out for a while then I
know we’ve got something…or at least I hope we have something more than just a “Sex-ship”…
She picks up her cellphone to see
who’s calling. It’s Eric on the other
end so she answers.
“Hey.” He says before she gets a chance to say
anything. “Hey, I thought you went out,
what are you doing calling me on a Friday night?” She asks.
“I took her home early, she was crazy.”
He says with a smirk on his face and annoyance in his voice. She laughs then sits down on her bed and
readies herself to hear details about his date but he doesn’t go into detail. “What are you up to?” He asks.
“Nothing really, thinking too much.”
She answers with a tone of sadness.
“Feel like watching a movie? I
got a good one and a nice bottle of wine that I’m glad I didn’t waste on that crazy
girl.” He says. “Ok but both better be good.” She says with a smile on her face.
He laughs then replies, “I’m on
my way…”