Friday, July 1, 2016
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
UnSure...
NiaJean wakes up the next morning
with the man in the pictures on her mind, her father. She is still groggy from staying up so late
but she starts trying to sort out the thoughts in her head. Thoughts she’s never contemplated
before. She creates a list of questions
in her head that she might possibly ask her mother. She’s still not sure if she should just leave
the subject alone since the man never made any type of impact in her life but
she is still curious. She wonders why it
didn’t work out with him and her mother.
She wonders why he left or if her mother left him. She wonders how often he’s seen her in her
lifetime and why he’s never made himself known to her or her brother. She wonders what really happened. It must be a very touchy subject for her
mother because she’s never wanted to talk about and the few times the subject
may have come up, it is immediately detoured to something else. What did this man do to her that was so bad
that she can’t talk about it over twenty five years later?
Her mind is now filled with
doubt, with confusion with concern and curiosity. She sits and contemplates how she’s going to
bring up the subject to her mother or if she should even try. Before she has time to really overindulge
herself with even deeper thoughts about the situation, she gets a text on her
phone from Sebastian. She leans over and
picks up her phone from the night stand and reads it. “We’re on our way.” She puts her phone back down and tries to
detour her thoughts. She begins
wondering why she hasn’t heard from Brian but tries not to think about it too
deeply where it would lead to depression.
She closes her eyes and tries to rest for a few more minutes until
Sebastian and Sage arrive.
When Sebastian and Sage arrive,
he knocks on the door instead of sending another text letting her know he’s at
the door. She goes down stairs and opens
the door. Sebastian is standing there
with an odd look on his face while Sage jumps in the doorway toward her mother
to give her a hug. Sebastian hands
NiaJean Sage’s backpack and hesitates in the doorway instead of leaving like he
usually does. NiaJean gives him a
strange look and he gives her an awkward smile. NiaJean looks at Sage as she intently
watches the exchange that is taking place. “Sage honey go on up to your room, daddy and I
need to talk for a minute.” Sage looks
at her then at her father and they both look at her as though they are telling
her to go on. She takes her backpack and
heads upstairs. NiaJean steps back out
of the doorway and invites Sebastian in without saying a word.
Sebastian walks in and heads for
the living room. They both sit down on
the couch and find themselves in an awkward silence once again. Sebastian finally breaks the silence. “Look, I meant what I said last night.” She takes a deep breath and says, “Sebastian,
you were drunk.” “I wasn’t that drunk and you know that’s when my true feelings
come out anyway, when I’ve had something to drink.” “Ok so what are you going to do about Sabrina?” “I’m going to tell her I don’t want us to be
a couple and I’m going to break it off. She
can keep it and I’ll do my part but I don’t want to commit to her.” ” NiaJean
looks at him disappointed. “Really
Sebastian?” He looks at her with the
utmost seriousness. “NiaJean, I’m still
in love with you.” She shakes her head
no at him and says, “No, you are not, you’re just scared.” He shakes his head no back at her and replies,
“I know how I feel and scared is not it.
I want you back.” “Sebastian,
please don’t do this right now.” “Do
what? Express how I feel?” “No, add confusion to my life. We’ve been doing fine co-parenting all these
years so let’s just do that and nothing else.
We tried us many times and it didn’t work.” “We were a lot younger; I think we’ve both
grown over the past ten years. Don’t
you?” “Yes, I do but in different
directions. Let’s just leave this alone
for now ok?” “There you go. You are the queen of putting things off and
not dealing with what’s in front of you.
Well it’s not going to go away just because you don’t want to talk about
it now.” “I don’t want what you want! I don’t even think you want what you think
you want!” “I know what I want!”
Sebastian looks her in the eyes
and leans forward to kiss her. She
pushes him away. “Don’t even think about
it! It’s time for you to go!” He backs off.
“Alright, I’ll go.” “Please Sebastian,
just deal with your current situation.
We’re fine the way we are.” He
shakes his head as he thinks about what she said then gets up to leave. He sees himself off while NiaJean sits on the
couch in disbelief.
Sage walks in the living room and
looks at her mom sitting on the couch looking distraught. “Mommy, are you and daddy getting back together?” NiaJean looks at her with an awkward smile hoping
she didn’t hear much of the conversation.
She is unsure how to answer at the moment. “Ummm….”
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
By Chance...
NiaJean is lying in bed unable to
sleep as she reviews the events of the day.
Though all these men fill her life with excitement she still feels like
something is missing.
She pulls out a photo album that
she recently got from her mother for a family tree project she’s helping Sage
with for class. She opens it. She instantly realizes she picked up the
wrong photo album from her mother’s house as she shuffles through the
unfamiliar old pictures.
She sees a picture of this man
standing next to her mother hugging her while her mother holds her in her
arms. This man standing next to her
mother is not her stepfather William but another man. She’s never met this man before but she
remembers seeing his face a few times in her life. She starts thinking back and realizes she’s
seen this face pretty recently.
She continues shuffling through
the photo album and sees more and more pictures of this man.
After all these years she hasn’t
had a real conversation with her mother about her “real” father. There was never a question as to who was her
father since William was always there for her since she was three and adopted
her and her brother as his own.
She analyzes the picture closer
and realizes this is the same man that sat next to her on the bus a couple of
months ago. The only reason why she
remembers that is because she paid close attention to his demeanor and the fact
that he sat next to her out of all the open seats that were available on the
bus that day. Now she starts questioning
whether that was a coincidence or not.
She starts wondering if he’s been following her for a while and she just
never noticed.
This is concerning because this
is a man she’s never known and he could be watching her entire life and she
wouldn’t even know. Anger starts to set
in as she thinks about this creep who made a conscious decision not to be a
part of her life and he may decide to just show up one day. People do it all the time for whatever
reason. Most times it’s for selfish
reason so that they can get over the guilt they’ve been carrying for years and
really she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him if that ever
happens.
She hasn’t seen this man anywhere
else lately but this encounter now makes her curious. This is worth another trip to her parents’
house for a major discussion with her mother, she thinks as she continues
turning pages. She finds herself getting
really irritated and tense as she thinks about what could happen if she encountered
this stranger who calls himself her father.
NiaJean starts overanalyzing the
situation then realizes she’s thinking about something that may or may not ever
happen so she snaps out of it as she yawns and closes the photo album.
She thinks to herself, “Is this really
worth a conversation with mom? Am I sure
I really want to know about him? I don’t
know…”
Friday, April 22, 2016
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
I'm Back!
NiaJean sits on her bed, opens her laptop and begins typing.
I’ve been away for a while
dealing with some personal issues, I’ll tell you about that later but now, I’m
back and ready to continue my story. For
those of you who have been reading about me, thank you for hanging with
me. For those of you who have just
started reading about me, welcome to my world.
So now where did I leave
off? The last big event that happened
was Jason coming by unexpectedly and telling me he missed me and wanted to try again. Jason is the man I dated after my divorce
from Sebastian and he was my rock at the time but then he decided to cheat so
things went in a totally different direction.
He knew how much I went through with Sebastian and he pulls something
like that on me. I can’t lie and say I
don’t still have a soft spot in my heart for him but there is no way I’m going
down that road of hurt again.
After Jason leaves, Eric appears
at my door. You all know Eric is the
bestie and in all honesty I’d like to keep it that way but we never know what
life has in store. Eric confessed his love to me that same day
and we ended up in a passionate kiss.
Now that really confused things because feelings that I’d never felt
before came to the surface. In the midst
of this passionate kiss there is another knock at my door. I just knew that knock meant Brian would be
standing there but to my surprise it wasn’t him. So let me go back to that night and catch you
up…
Eric embraces NiaJean and passionately kisses her. She tries to
resist but the kiss is amazing and very unexpected. There is a knock at NiaJean’s door so she
immediately stops the kiss and pushes Eric away. “Oh shit, Brian is supposed to be coming
over! Shit, you have to leave!” She says as she jumps up and begins pacing
out of panic. Eric looks at her with
disappointment and questions her actions, “What, after that kiss you’re asking
me to leave? Did you not feel anything?” She stops pacing and looks at him, “Yes but I
told you I don’t want to go down that road with you Eric.” A second knock at the door puts her into a
greater stage of panic. “Eric, please
can we talk about this later?” She pleads.
Eric looks at her and nods then gets up to leave. He walks to the door and prepares himself to
greet Brian on his way out. NiaJean
quickly rushes to the door and opens it to let Eric out and to greet the person
knocking.
NiaJean opens the door and is
surprised to see Sebastian standing there looking distraught. Eric is also surprised as he passes him in
the doorway and greets him before he leaves.
“What’s up?” Sebastian looks at
him with surprise as well but remains cordial as he responds back, “Hey, how
you doing brotha?” NiaJean is all of a sudden
compelled to explain herself, “Sebastian, Eric just stopped by for a little
visit.” Sebastian looks at her matter-of-factly
and says, “Your business, not mine.”
NiaJean is taken back by his response and stands frozen for a moment,
not sure how to respond. Eric looks at
NiaJean then at Sebastian and walks away without saying another word.
NiaJean stands at the door
looking at Sebastian with confusion.
Sebastian smiles slightly. “Can I
come in?” NiaJean steps back and lets
him in. She walks to the living room and
he follows. They both sit on the couch
in uncomfortable positions so NiaJean quickly speaks, “This is a surprise, what’s going on
Sebastian?” Sebastian leans back and
tries to get comfortable, “I just have a
few things I need to get off my chest and I really needed to talk to you about
it.” “Ok.” NiaJean’s confusion has now turned to concern
as she looks at him curiously.
First of all, I’m sorry for what
I’ve put you through all these years. You
didn’t and don’t deserve any of that.
You’re a good mother and I’ve been an asshole.” NiaJean can’t believe what’s she’s hearing, “Wow,
thank you Sebastian but I know you did not come all the way over here this time
of night to tell me what a good mother I am.
What’s really going on and where’s Sage?” She becomes uneasy. He looks at her reassuredly, “She’s fine, she’s
at home with Sabrina.” “So why are you
here Sebastian and why is my daughter with some other woman?” “It’s only for a little while.” NiaJean gets ready to go on a rant but before
she can speak, Sebastian stops her. “Sabrina
is pregnant.” NiaJean stops in mid
thought, “She’s pregnant? Are you ready for that?” Sebastian looks at NiaJean in the eyes with
major concern, “I don’t know if I want
that with her. I mean, I do care about
her but I never thought about anything long term.” NiaJean takes a deep breath and shakes her
head, “Well I guess you better start thinking about it.” Sebastian leans in closer to NiaJean. “Look, it just got me thinking about us and
where things went wrong.” NiaJean scoots
away from him. “Sebastian, we were young. Those days are in the past.” “Yeah but there was never a time I doubted
having a child with you. I think the
reason why I’m such an asshole with you is because I get so angry with the fact
that we didn’t work.” “Sebastian, you’re
just stressing right now.” “Maybe but
this really made me think about you and how I treated you and how I could have
tried harder to make us work but I didn’t.
I let you go.” “Things happened
the way they were supposed to so please don’t look back now.”
“I can’t help but realize what I
lost.” He leans in to try and kiss
her. She leans back after she smells
alcohol on his breath. “You have got to
go, you’re drunk and you will regret this in the morning. I’m calling Uber and you can get your car
tomorrow when you bring Sage back.” She
jumps up from the couch and grabs her phone.
“I mean what I’m saying to you.” “
I know you do, tonight but let’s see how you feel when you wake up in the
morning next to Sabrina. You’ll be ok, I
promise.” “I’m not that drunk.” Sebastian leans back on her couch and dozes
off. Minutes later there is a
notification on her phone that Uber has arrived. NiaJean wakes him up and helps him to the
door then walks him to the car. She
tells the driver where to take him as he slides in the car. She heads back to her house and looks at her
phone as she walks to the door. She notices
how late it is and realizes she hasn’t heard from Brian at all.
She turns off the lights and
heads upstairs to go to bed…
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Thursday, January 7, 2016
"10 Things to Take into 2016" from NiaJeanRose
Forgiveness
Not only are you forgiving others, you’re
forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself for
not Loving YOU, for not Caring for YOU, for not taking Care of YOU. Forgive yourself; look in the mirror, love
the person staring back at you and move on.
Forgive…
No Regret
Leave the regret in 2015. There are always lessons to be learned from
our mistakes so don’t regret your choices just learn from them and grow from
them. No Regrets…
Love
Open your heart up to Love more than you ever
have before. Let go of the hurt that has
been holding you back from love. You
deserve to give Love and receive Love so let it happen and don’t be afraid. Love…
Positivity
Words are very powerful. What you speak is what becomes. Speak words
of positivity as often as you can.
Though there will be times when life gets you down, try to see what can BE and work through what IS.
Remember tomorrow is a new day. Positive thoughts…
Prosperity
The time has come to flourish financially. Start a new business or invest. Focus on your business goals and create a
checklist to achieve those goals. Take
time to plan for your success. Strive
for Prosperity this year and years to come!
Prosper…
Joy
What is Joy? “Joy is a great pleasure and true
happiness.” “Joy is a feeling deep
inside the heart.” “Joy is an expression of God’s kingdom.” Take time to enjoy the simple things in life
and open your eyes to the many creations on earth. You will find joy inside yourself if you just
take time to smell the roses every now and then. Take time for yourself and realize you do
matter. Experience your joy…
Peace
Take time to pray, meditate and get in touch with
self. Listen to that voice inside you
and know that it’s telling you to be still and peace will come. Peace
dwells within…
Understanding
Take time to listen and understand instead of
assuming. We’ve got to peel back the
layers of our life experiences and see ourselves again in order to gain true
understanding of others and ourselves. Understand…
Question
to ponder: Do we have true understanding without belief?
Creativity
Create the things you want to come into
fruition. Don’t sit around and wait for
your future to come to you, make your future happen. Create…
Inspiration
Be inspired to dream. Life without dreams is death. It is ok to
dream and to fulfill those dreams. You
may have to take some chances and step out on Faith but it can be done! Inspire…
This is the year for CHANGE...Live, Love and
Dream…
Take time to read this article about letting go:
Scriptural Joy:
http://www.gotquestions.org/fruit-Holy-Spirit-joy.html
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