NiaJean is sitting in Brian’s car patiently waiting
as she watches him talking to a couple of handsome athletic build eye candy. They had just finished having a nice
breakfast and as NiaJean and Brian were getting into the car, Brian spots a
couple of his old Football teammates. Instead
of NiaJean awkwardly standing outside of the car while they talked, she gets in,
leans the seat back a bit and turns on the radio. She closes her eyes and enjoys the music as
she dozes off. As time passes she
realizes the conversation is taking longer than she expected and she begins
getting restless so she clicks the blogger app on her phone and begins typing.
He’s like a drug or an addiction and I can’t seem to kick it. I can’t figure out why he’s always in my
thoughts but he is. I have no business
thinking about him but I am. He’s no
good for me but for some reason I can’t be without him. It even surprises me that he is on my mind
right now as I sit in another man’s car.
I don’t know but when I saw him with someone else it made me love him
all over again. I think I’m insane for
feeling the way I do, but I do.
NiaJean stops typing and quickly closes the app
when she sees Brian approaching the car.
He gets in, leans over and kisses her then drives off. NiaJean sits in silence as her mind races
with thoughts. They arrive at her house
and she invites Brian in. She heads to
the restroom with her cellphone in her hand while Brian gets comfortable on the
couch. She sits on the toilet with the
lid closed, clicks on the blogger app and finishes writing the thoughts that
were racing through her head on the ride home.
In my desire to please, I found myself doing
things to keep Jason’s attention. It’s
like I was trying to get him to like me more or even love me in a way I knew he
couldn’t. Jason was always searching for
something that was missing from his childhood and no one would be able fill
that void until he was ready to heal. I
was always hoping for some great miracle with him but it never happened so I
had no choice but to either move on or find myself constantly fighting for his love. If a person doesn’t love themselves
completely then they can’t give you complete love. I really hope I’m breaking old patterns for
myself and allowing true change. Is
Brian the change I need to make that happen?
I can’t say for sure at this point, I mean I’ve already made quite a few
cyclic mistakes with him. We shall see…
NiaJean closes the blogger app on her phone,
flushes the toilet as to make it seem like she was using it, just in case he's listening. She returns to the living room where Brian is
comfortably lounging on her couch watching sports on TV. She sits next to him and snuggles her body in
real close as she yearns for much needed attention. She’s just not sure if it’s his attention
she’s longing for at the moment.
Brian begins caressing NiaJean’s body but for
some reason she’s not responding as she usually does and he becomes slightly
irritated. “What’s going on with you?” He asks.
“Nothing, I guess I’m just tired.”
She responds. He gives her a
suspicious look then asks, “Your friend Eric, the one we saw at the
restaurant; did you guys date at one
time?” For some reason, NiaJean had
erased the restaurant encounter with Eric out of her mind since he was there
with another woman and she didn’t want to have any unnecessary awkward thoughts
in her head. Besides, she was too
consumed with thinking about Jason and how she was going to deal with ridding
herself of these newly rekindled feelings.
She nonchalantly answers. “No,
he’s just one of my best friends. That's all.” “That’s
it?” He asks as though he is jealous.
This sense of jealousy makes NiaJean uneasy but
curious as to where this never before dynamic is coming from so she asks with a
curious look on her face; “Yes, why do you ask?” “It just seems like a little more than friendship
went on.” He answers. NiaJean begins wondering if there was a
certain look in her eyes or Eric’s that caught Brian’s attention as she
revisits their interaction at the restaurant in her mind. She replays it a couple of times before
answering, “No, just friends.” “Cool.” He says as he removes his arm from around her
shoulders, leans back on the couch and begins watching whatever game is on TV. NiaJean takes a deep breath and clears the
thought of Eric and the look of desire she now remembers he gave her out of her
mind and tries to enjoy Brian’s company.
She scoots back in close to him and tries to stay focused on him but is
distracted with thoughts of Eric and Jason.
Brian can sense the lack of attention he is
receiving as she fidgets uncomfortably.
“You seem like you have a lot going on today so I’m going to go and let
you collect your thoughts.” He says as
he scoots away from her and rises from the couch. She watches him rise then gives him an
apologetic look as she rises to meet him.
They give each other a forced kiss and he turns to leave. She walks him to the door and gives him a hug
before opening it. She forces herself to
say something before he walks out the door.
“I don’t know what’s going on with me today.” She manages to say. He looks at her as though he doesn’t believe
her. “I’ll hit you later.” He says as he walks out the door.
NiaJean closes the door, plops down on her couch
and calls Brooke. As soon as Brooke
answers NiaJean says, “Hey girl” in a distraught tone. Brooke can tell right away that something is
wrong with her so she asks with concern, “What’s going on? You don’t sound too happy.” “I’m
so confused. Eric spent the night last
night.” She blurts out. “What?” Brooke yells in a squeaky tone. “Yes and now I feel weird about our
friendship. I wouldn’t know what to do
if our friendship was ruined over one night of nothing. All we did was fell asleep in each others' arms but nothing happened.” She responds.
“Well first of all, make sure he never spends the night again.” Brooke demands.
NiaJean begins explaining her second issue to Brooke. “Brian just left and I think he’s a little
upset because I wouldn’t give him any. I
never got a chance to actually talk to him about the agreement to hold out for
a while, so… “Well then I’d be mad too! You need to tell him. How are you going to ever know if he’s willing
to hold out for you if he doesn’t even know that’s what you want? So tell him!” She scolds. “Ok, ok I will. One more thing.” NiaJean says with hesitation. “Oh boy, there’s more?” She asks.
“Jason came by the office yesterday.” She
says. Both ladies go back and forth in a
question, answer conversation as though Brooke is the interviewer and NiaJean
is the interviewee. “How did I miss
that?” She asks. “You were out with a client.” She says.
“Ok, so why didn’t you tell me when I came back from being out with a
client?” She asks. “I don’t know, I guess I was a little
preoccupied.” She says. “Are you ok?
I know how that man affects you.”
She asks. “I’m ok; I just can’t
get him out of my mind. He had someone
in the car with him which shouldn't even matter to me. I’m supposed to be
totally over him.” She says. Brooke sits in silence because she can tell NiaJean is becoming emotional.
NiaJean starts to get a little teary eyed so
she changes the subject by asking; “Deja has a show tonight, you wanna go?” “I’ll have to see what Brandon’s doing. I think he’s hanging with his brother so I
think it’ll be fine or I'll bring him along.” She responds. “That’s so sweet to have someone to check in.” She says in a melancholy voice. “Yeah well we’re on our way to the alter so
we better know how to communicate. Are
you inviting Brian or Eric to Deja’s show?”
She asks. “Both?”
She answers with a question.
There is an awkward silence on the phone followed by a disapproving grunt from Brooke so NiaJean proceeds to explain
her decision. “Eric and I are just
friends and I want to keep it that way so I’ll tell him to bring someone to the
show with him that way no one should feel awkward.” She says.
“Ok, whatever you say.” Brooke
says with doubt in her voice then asks; “So what are you going to do about
Jason?”
NiaJean contemplates the question then says, “I
don’t know…”
