UnSure...

NiaJean wakes up the next morning with the man in the pictures on her mind, her father.  She is still groggy from staying up so late but she starts trying to sort out the thoughts in her head.  Thoughts she’s never contemplated before.  She creates a list of questions in her head that she might possibly ask her mother.  She’s still not sure if she should just leave the subject alone since the man never made any type of impact in her life but she is still curious.  She wonders why it didn’t work out with him and her mother.  She wonders why he left or if her mother left him.  She wonders how often he’s seen her in her lifetime and why he’s never made himself known to her or her brother.  She wonders what really happened.  It must be a very touchy subject for her mother because she’s never wanted to talk about and the few times the subject may have come up, it is immediately detoured to something else.  What did this man do to her that was so bad that she can’t talk about it over twenty five years later?

Her mind is now filled with doubt, with confusion with concern and curiosity.  She sits and contemplates how she’s going to bring up the subject to her mother or if she should even try.  Before she has time to really overindulge herself with even deeper thoughts about the situation, she gets a text on her phone from Sebastian.  She leans over and picks up her phone from the night stand and reads it.  “We’re on our way.”  She puts her phone back down and tries to detour her thoughts.  She begins wondering why she hasn’t heard from Brian but tries not to think about it too deeply where it would lead to depression.  She closes her eyes and tries to rest for a few more minutes until Sebastian and Sage arrive.  

When Sebastian and Sage arrive, he knocks on the door instead of sending another text letting her know he’s at the door.  She goes down stairs and opens the door.  Sebastian is standing there with an odd look on his face while Sage jumps in the doorway toward her mother to give her a hug.  Sebastian hands NiaJean Sage’s backpack and hesitates in the doorway instead of leaving like he usually does.  NiaJean gives him a strange look and he gives her an awkward smile. NiaJean looks at Sage as she intently watches the exchange that is taking place.  “Sage honey go on up to your room, daddy and I need to talk for a minute.”  Sage looks at her then at her father and they both look at her as though they are telling her to go on.  She takes her backpack and heads upstairs.  NiaJean steps back out of the doorway and invites Sebastian in without saying a word.

Sebastian walks in and heads for the living room.  They both sit down on the couch and find themselves in an awkward silence once again.  Sebastian finally breaks the silence.  “Look, I meant what I said last night.”  She takes a deep breath and says, “Sebastian, you were drunk.” “I wasn’t that drunk and you know that’s when my true feelings come out anyway, when I’ve had something to drink.”  “Ok so what are you going to do about Sabrina?”  “I’m going to tell her I don’t want us to be a couple and I’m going to break it off.  She can keep it and I’ll do my part but I don’t want to commit to her.”  ”  NiaJean looks at him disappointed.  “Really Sebastian?”  He looks at her with the utmost seriousness.  “NiaJean, I’m still in love with you.”  She shakes her head no at him and says, “No, you are not, you’re just scared.”  He shakes his head no back at her and replies, “I know how I feel and scared is not it.  I want you back.”   “Sebastian, please don’t do this right now.”  “Do what?  Express how I feel?”  “No, add confusion to my life.  We’ve been doing fine co-parenting all these years so let’s just do that and nothing else.  We tried us many times and it didn’t work.”  “We were a lot younger; I think we’ve both grown over the past ten years.  Don’t you?”  “Yes, I do but in different directions.  Let’s just leave this alone for now ok?”  “There you go.  You are the queen of putting things off and not dealing with what’s in front of you.  Well it’s not going to go away just because you don’t want to talk about it now.”  “I don’t want what you want!  I don’t even think you want what you think you want!”  “I know what I want!”

Sebastian looks her in the eyes and leans forward to kiss her.  She pushes him away.  “Don’t even think about it!  It’s time for you to go!”  He backs off.  “Alright, I’ll go.”  “Please Sebastian, just deal with your current situation.  We’re fine the way we are.”  He shakes his head as he thinks about what she said then gets up to leave.  He sees himself off while NiaJean sits on the couch in disbelief.

Sage walks in the living room and looks at her mom sitting on the couch looking distraught.  “Mommy, are you and daddy getting back together?”  NiaJean looks at her with an awkward smile hoping she didn’t hear much of the conversation.  She is unsure how to answer at the moment.  “Ummm….”