Her Smile...

NiaJean gets out of the shower, puts on her fluffy terry cloth robe and walks out of her nicely decorated bathroom.  She lets out a big yawn because she is still tired from her long night with him but she has a look of contentment on her face as she strolls across her bedroom floor.  She sits down on her bed, opens her laptop and begins typing.

I wonder if men today would rather have a woman who acts as a woman did in the 1930’s; before we got all ‘liberated’.  In talking to a few women about the subject, I’m finding that there is a trend of men who are not really interested in what a woman has to say when it comes to expressing her needs.  I don’t know what it is but for some reason when a woman has a strong opinion about how she feels a man should treat her, she is then labeled as aggressive, outspoken and surely unapproachable.  This is an attitude that can be hard to deal with at times because it seems like a woman with good intentions and a good heart is not given a fair chance.  She is shut down before even a spark is thrown in her direction.  But there are ways a woman can express her needs without feeling like she’s sacrificing herself.  Some may disagree but sometimes a more subtle approach might be the answer.  One thing is for sure, a sexy smile goes a long way.

NiaJean stops typing, gets up from her bed and walks over to her mirror.  She starts practicing different smiles and flattering facial expressions.  She comes across a sexy smile that she likes and holds it for a moment as she stares into the mirror.  She says to herself; “Oh yeah, I think this is the one that got him.”  She continues practicing a couple more smiles then goes back to the smile she prefers most.  After a few seconds she stops her smile ritual and ends up laughing at herself when she realizes she’s in a zone of smiles and facial expressions that aren’t so flattering after all.  She walks back over to her bed to continue typing.

I was talking to one of my clients the other day and she said that a woman’s smile lets a man know she is open to his approach.  Ladies, let the man be the man and give him a chance to show you how he feels about your worthiness before you start putting all these demands on him.  They say, “Patience” is a virtue.

NiaJean stops typing and says to herself, “I’m working on that patience thing but I sure can’t wait forever for him to show me!  Ok Nia, but you must admit he was on his job last night.”  Her body shivers as she reminisces about the wonderful night they shared together.  She goes back to typing with a pleasant smile on her face.

The flip side to all of this is that not a lot of men are willing to take the time to see a woman for who she really is let alone recognize her worth.  There are so many women for a man to choose from that it’s just easier for him to move on to the next instead of waiting for that one woman’s smile.  The truth of the matter is both men and women need to give each other time to let the wall down.  Now we’re not talking about years here, maybe a couple of months will let you know if you want to move forward.  I follow the; “Three Month Rule of Recognition”.  After three months anyone should be able to recognize the signs as to whether the relationship is going to work or not.  Now take note; if a man is willing to change his pattern for you then that should be sign to let you know that he sees your worth.  

She stops typing, picks up her phone and looks at one of his pictures in her gallery and begins talking to it.  “So far so good.  Keep it up Brian and we might just be headed somewhere.  I'm smiling!” She puts her phone down and continues typing.

Whatever you do; don’t forget to recognize the Red Flags!

NiaJean is getting ready to continue typing when her phone rings and it’s her friend Eric calling.  Eric and NiaJean were once co-workers and became very close friends over the years.  He gives her honest male advice that she can’t get from anyone else.  He is a nice looking man with an average build and a nice chocolate skin tone.  NiaJean finds him attractive but vowed never to break the line of their friendship. 

She answers the phone and before she can speak he asks, “What’s up?  Are we hitting the club tonight or what?”  He asks.  “I don’t know, maybe.  I might be hanging with Brian tonight if my mom takes Sage with her for the night.” She answers.  “What makes you think yall are hanging out?  Has he called you yet?”  He asks inquisitively.  “No, but it is still early and he suggested it last night.”  She answers back as though she’s being challenged.  “Alright then wait for that suggestion to become reality.  Call me if you want to go out later or stay in and have some dinner.  I’ll make some hotdogs or something.”  He says as he dismisses his interrogation.  “Ok, I’ll let you know what’s up but I’ll cook.  I want to try this new recipe on you anyway.”  She answers.  “Alright girl but don’t wait too late.  I might have a date.”  He says.  “What, with one of your little ratchets?”  She asks.  “I don’t do ratchets.”  He answers in a joking manner.  “Ok then whatever you call those little…”  He stops her before she finishes her statement.  “Hey, watch your mouth.”  They both laugh.  “Bye Eric.”  She says, still laughing.  “By Nia.”  He answers in a tone of laugher. 

As soon as she hangs up the phone with Eric, her phone rings again.  She answers without looking at the caller ID.  “What, did you forget to tell me something about this date you’re going to have with one of your ratchets?”

“Hello?”  He answers in a questioning tone.  Her eyes open the size of half dollars when she realizes it’s him and not Eric.  “I’m so sorry; I thought you were someone else.”  She says while cringing.  “Okay, Well Good morning.”  He says with hesitation.  NiaJean has a huge smile on her face but is embarrassed at the same time.  “Good morning.”  She says back.  “I just wanted to check in.”  He says.  “Wow, you’re checking in with me?”  She asks with surprise in her voice.  He seems to become irritated by her surprise and poses a question.  “Why wouldn’t I?”  NiaJean can hear the slight irritation in his voice so she quickly answers and tries to detour from her comment.  “No reason, no reason at all.  Hey, I want to thank you again for a wonderful night and the dinner was incredible.  I had a really good time.”  The tension has eased in his voice and he answers.  “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.  I will be taking you out more often if you don’t mind.”  NiaJean smiles at the thought of spending more time with him and answers with excitement.  “I would love too!  Her voice suddenly shifts in tone as she asks; Can I ask you something?  Why this change in pattern?”  “I told you I had to work some things out.”  He answers candidly.  “So did you work it all out?”  She asks curiously.  “Everything is cool.  Things will be a little different.  You’re a lady worth my time.”  He answers.  NiaJean can’t stop smiling as she relishes in his statement.  “Well that’s good to hear.”  She replies.  “Alright sweetheart, I’ll talk to you a little later so we can plan to spend some more time together tonight.  I need to get some work done right now.”  He says.  “That sounds good to me.  Bye for now.”  She says with a smile.  “Peace.”  He replies and hangs up the phone.

After they hang up the phone NiaJean begins joyously dancing around the room.  She stops in the middle of her steps and comes to an epiphany.

“That’s what I’ll do!  I’ll cook for him!”