Love Potion...

NiaJean sits up on her bed, opens her laptop and begins typing.

Sometimes I wish I had a “Love Potion” that I could give to a man to make him feel the way I want him to feel when I want him to feel it.  That way, my heart can handle all the aches and pains that go along with waiting for him to decide if he wants to take a chance on love with me.

NiaJean pauses for a moment as she thinks about this “Love Potion”.  She takes her mind into a fantasy world where she sees this wonderfully statuesque handsome man sweeping her off her feet as they ride away into the sunset like in a Harlequin novel.  She laughs at herself as she snaps back into reality.  “I can’t believe I read those old books.  What woman my age does that?”  She shakes her head and goes back to typing.

Maybe a “Love Potion” wouldn’t be a good idea; at least not all the time.  I would want to know if a man really did love me for me instead of being under the influence of a “Love Potion”.  But I have to admit, it would be nice sometimes. 

Her phone rings and she answers with a sexy voice without looking to see who’s calling.  She just assumed it was him since she’d called him earlier.  “Hey, I was hoping you’d call back.”  She hears a familiar clearing of the voice on the other end followed by a sarcastic laugh, “I don’t think it was me you were hoping to speak too and I know you don’t have some strange man around my daughter.  Bad enough you have your trifling sister around her.”  NiaJean cringes when she realizes its Sebastian, Sage’s father on the other end.  “Sebastian, not that it is any of your business but I don’t bring strange men around our daughter.”  She replies.  “I thought you had some sense.”  He says in what he thinks is a joking manner.  She can hear his obnoxious laugh in the background but she doesn’t find his joke funny at all so she ignores his comment and asks with directness.  “Are you on your way to pick her up?”  “Yes, I am.  I should be there in about an hour so please make sure she’s ready.”  He says condescendingly.  “She always is ready.”  NiaJean replies with a slight irritation.  “Well I’m just making sure because I can’t be waiting for you to do your job.  We have plans and I don’t want to be late.”   He replies in the same condescending tone.  “Whatever Sebastian, bye.”  She hangs up the phone before he has a chance to make any more obnoxious comments then throws her phone on the bed.

She finishes packing Sage’s bag and says to herself.  “That man never stops with his condescending ass.  Oh sometimes I wish I would have made better choices.”  She holds up one of Sage’s shirts that was left in the laundry basket sitting by her bed then looks at it.  “I guess I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if I hadn’t learned from my choices.  Besides, I do have a beautiful daughter from this man.”  She folds the shirt and puts it in Sage’s bag.  “I have to admit, he is a good father…just a damn terrible everything else.”  She pauses for a moment and thinks about what she just said as she zips up Sage’s bag.  “Nia don’t do that, he is your child’s father.”  She sits Sage’s bag by her bedroom door then sits on her bed for a minute to take a break.

Her phone rings again and this time she looks at the caller id.  She is surprised to see who’s calling.  “This must be, ‘deal with ex day’.”  She says to herself then hesitantly answers the phone. “Hello.”                                                                    

A deep but nasal toned voice is heard on the other end.  “Hey, I miss you.  What you been up too?”  He asks.  “Nothing, just living life.  What about you?”  She asks but not really caring about the answer.  “You’ve been on my mind a lot lately so I thought I’d give you a call to see if you’ve gotten married yet.”  He replies.  “What would you do if I had gotten married?  It’s been at least two years since I talked to you and a lot has changed but you sound the same.”  She says.  “You’d be surprised how much has changed.  I want to see you and talk to you.  I want to apologize for what went wrong.”  He replies.  “Look there’s no need to bring up the past; it’s the past for a reason.”  She says.  “Yeah but I can’t stop thinking about your sexy ass.”  He replies in a seductive tone.  “You know, I really don’t want to go back down that road with you, it’s just not healthy for me.”  She says as she tries to wrap up the conversation.  “I get it, he’s a lucky dude.”  He says as he takes one more stab at trying to figure out her current dating situation.  “Bye Jason.”  She says in a somewhat melancholy tone.  “Take care of yourself sexy.” He replies.  “I will.” 

NiaJean hangs up the phone, opens her laptop and types.

I wonder why is it that my old exes resurface to check to see if I’ve gotten married or not.  Both of them ask me that same stupid question and then move on with the conversation.  It’s like that gives them the ticket to keep searching for someone better than me that they obviously haven’t found yet and won’t. I guess they think that I’m just sitting around waiting for them to stop searching.  It’s crazy, why don’t they just realize what they have when it’s in front of their faces?  The thing about these men that decide to pop back into my life unexpectedly is that they really haven’t changed at all.  I don’t know what it is but I guess they feel like time is going to change them without them changing them.  But what really ends up happening is they go back to the same familiar pattern they knew before.  The craziest thing of all is that I let them do it.

NiaJean stops typing and says to herself.  “Change is important NiaJean.  It didn’t work out the first time for reason so no more traveling down old roads.”  She continues typing.

For most of them, it’s a cycle.  I guess they figure since they haven’t found anyone better in the past few years they’d give me a try again but it never works. 

NiaJean begins talking to her laptop, “One day I’m going to say, yes damn it I’m married!  Your loss!” 

She types.

I was married once but not long enough to brag about it.

The doorbell rings then she hears a notification that she has a text on her cellphone.  She looks at her phone and Sebastian has sent a text, “I’m at the door”.  NiaJean takes a deep breath before going to answer the door.  She picks up Sage’s bag then says to herself.

“I need a Shopping Spree."